Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize