i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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