My liver just broke up with me...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
