Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize