I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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