we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize