OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
