your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
