I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize