if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
