we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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