Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
