it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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