if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am available for nakedness
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
