just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
