My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
