oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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