I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
