Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
