i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
