awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
