but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
