Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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