apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
