Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
