We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
