You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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