dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
