you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
