cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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