Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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