Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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