so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
