and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
