I smell stomach acid.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
