I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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