oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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