i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
