I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
