I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
