Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
