she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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