I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
