anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
