I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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