the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"