ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.