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God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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