Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.