Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.