Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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