boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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