I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
