you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
