you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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