Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
