I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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