Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
