apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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