sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
