but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
