I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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