I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
