I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize