He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
