when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
