uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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