That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
