he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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