trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
