SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
