dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
