Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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