smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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