My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
