You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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