he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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