I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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