I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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