He asked me if I "almost moaned"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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