OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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