you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
