Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
